Why Do People Have Sex Addiction?

 

Other women would argue that marriage is NOT about sex: it's about commitment and love and respecting each other... oh, and the kids. Who made that crap up? Marriage IS about sex... and commitment and love and respecting each other. They are all intertwined. If marriage wasn't about sex, a person would not get upset if their sex story in hindi spouse had casual sex with another person.

Sex is the highest form of intimacy and pleasure. It is the ultimate bond of two bodies, the intertwining and fusion of two souls. Who would not want that with their spouse... with the one that they chose to spend the rest of their life with? We should want that love connection regularly. Husbands and wives NEED that connection of intimacy and pleasure regularly. That's why quickies are so awesome! You can't always have a long romantic saga, but you can have a little fast naughty fun, connect with each and get some stress relief all at the same time.

So what is the real reason that most wives don't want sex?

Wives become depressed, dissatisfied and unfulfilled because we view our husbands and children as the chains of bondage that are keeping us from our happiness, dreams, and freedom!

Man, that sounds so ugly! What woman wants to admit that? But I guarantee you that if a woman who has a loving family says she feels depressed because she is "losing herself" or has no time for herself because of her duties at home; then the bottom line is that she feels that her husband and children are keeping her from living. And that is the honest, albeit very painful truth. I know first hand: I couldn't enjoy my marriage for years because I thought I killed my dreams with marriage and each child I had was another nail in the coffin. And I have 6 children, so in my mind that coffin was sealed pretty tight!

 

The research on number of sex partners is messy. It's dirty. Not only do people not keep good tabs on who they've gotten frisky with, but it turns out that the way men and women count also leaves some to be desired.

For women, in an effort to keep the numbers down, they like to trim a bit off the top. "Well, I didn't have an orgasm, don't count him" or "We had sex in the back of the car, so that doesn't count, he's not on the list" or "He wasn't a boyfriend, I'm not counting him."

Men aren't too hot at the math either. On average, men like their number to be big. That means they count everything. Hand job. Blow job. Count it up! And when we ask men to judge how accurate their recalled numbers are? Turns out that men who admit that their recall is crap are more likely to have higher numbers of sex partners (average of 7 partners) compared to the men who say they are confident in their recall-ability (average of 2 partners).

Now, sure, men who have slept with more partners simply may not remember exactly how many partners they have had. So at least they are being honest in admitting they aren't entirely certain of their number. But there's something more going on here.

Because we also know that people who have higher numbers of sex partners (and no, I can't tell you what "high" is defined as because no one wants to go out on a limb and actually say that x number is a high number of sex partners) are more likely to report a number that ends in a 0 or a 5. Convenient. "Hmmm... I can't remember. I'll just round up to a nice number that ends in 0 or 5. Yup, that looks good to me."
Ok, so recall is neither women's nor men's strong suit.

Another issue with this literature? Researchers don't specify casual versus committed sex partners. So my one night stands are worth the same as a boyfriend of 5 years? I'm not saying that casual sex partners should be counted twice, but what about the guy who only ever had sex with his 9 official 'girlfriends?' Is that the same as the person who had 9 one night stands? Not really. Especially if we are going to use number of sex partners as an indicator of how sexually permissive someone is.

But here's the kicker. I love the kicker!

One of my most favourite sex research studies involves the bogus pipeline. The bogus pipeline is code for 'fake lie detector.' In this study, men and women both came into the study and filled out a questionnaire, including number of consensual sex partners.