Why Do People Have Sex Addiction?
Other women would argue that marriage is NOT about sex: it's about commitment and love and respecting each other... oh, and the kids. Who made that crap up? Marriage IS about sex... and commitment and love and respecting each other. They are all intertwined. If marriage wasn't about sex, a person would not get upset if their sex story in hindi spouse had casual sex with another person.
Sex is the highest form of intimacy and pleasure. It is the ultimate bond of two bodies, the intertwining and fusion of two souls. Who would not want that with their spouse... with the one that they chose to spend the rest of their life with? We should want that love connection regularly. Husbands and wives NEED that connection of intimacy and pleasure regularly. That's why quickies are so awesome! You can't always have a long romantic saga, but you can have a little fast naughty fun, connect with each and get some stress relief all at the same time.
So what is the real reason that most
wives don't want sex?
Wives become depressed, dissatisfied
and unfulfilled because we view our husbands and children as the chains of
bondage that are keeping us from our happiness, dreams, and freedom!
Man, that sounds so ugly! What woman
wants to admit that? But I guarantee you that if a woman who has a loving
family says she feels depressed because she is "losing herself" or
has no time for herself because of her duties at home; then the bottom line is
that she feels that her husband and children are keeping her from living. And
that is the honest, albeit very painful truth. I know first hand: I couldn't
enjoy my marriage for years because I thought I killed my dreams with marriage
and each child I had was another nail in the coffin. And I have 6 children, so
in my mind that coffin was sealed pretty tight!
The research on number of sex
partners is messy. It's dirty. Not only do people not keep good tabs on who
they've gotten frisky with, but it turns out that the way men and women count
also leaves some to be desired.
For women, in an effort to keep the
numbers down, they like to trim a bit off the top. "Well, I didn't have an
orgasm, don't count him" or "We had sex in the back of the car, so
that doesn't count, he's not on the list" or "He wasn't a boyfriend,
I'm not counting him."
Men aren't too hot at the math
either. On average, men like their number to be big. That means they count
everything. Hand job. Blow job. Count it up! And when we ask men to judge how
accurate their recalled numbers are? Turns out that men who admit that their
recall is crap are more likely to have higher numbers of sex partners (average
of 7 partners) compared to the men who say they are confident in their
recall-ability (average of 2 partners).
Now, sure, men who have slept with
more partners simply may not remember exactly how many partners they have had.
So at least they are being honest in admitting they aren't entirely certain of
their number. But there's something more going on here.
Because we also know that people who
have higher numbers of sex partners (and no, I can't tell you what
"high" is defined as because no one wants to go out on a limb and
actually say that x number is a high number of sex partners) are more likely to
report a number that ends in a 0 or a 5. Convenient. "Hmmm... I can't
remember. I'll just round up to a nice number that ends in 0 or 5. Yup, that
looks good to me."
Ok, so recall is neither women's nor men's strong suit.
Another issue with this literature?
Researchers don't specify casual versus committed sex partners. So my one night
stands are worth the same as a boyfriend of 5 years? I'm not saying that casual
sex partners should be counted twice, but what about the guy who only ever had
sex with his 9 official 'girlfriends?' Is that the same as the person who had 9
one night stands? Not really. Especially if we are going to use number of sex
partners as an indicator of how sexually permissive someone is.
But here's the kicker. I love the
kicker!
One of my most favourite sex
research studies involves the bogus pipeline. The bogus pipeline is code for
'fake lie detector.' In this study, men and women both came into the study and
filled out a questionnaire, including number of consensual sex partners.
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